Ewww

After the OB appointment, I saw DH off to work and went to my favorite Chinese restaurant for lunch. I wanted wonton soup and steamed dumplings. Not five minutes after I ordered, I saw a house roach weaving its way along the windowsill.
Oh. Joy.
I waved the hostess over and pointed it out to her, and she acted like it had personally insulted her by patronizing her establishment. She was mad. That roach was not welcome. I never want to be on a Chinese woman's bad side. She apologized profusely and brought my food out soon after.
I might have been able to talk myself around a single roach, but for some reason, the food was just sub-par. They had switched their brewed iced tea to the icky powdered stuff (I can taste the difference), the wonton was undercooked and almost crunchy, and the dumplings were pasty.
Can anyone recommend a good Chinese place here? I need a new favorite.

Scary

Today was my first OB appointment at the hospital. I waited and waited to be seen, getting me nice and agitated for the doctor. DH napped with his head in his hand beside me while my leg jiggled nonstop. Nervousness.
The doc couldn't find the heartbeat.
We switched from the doppler to the portable ultrasound, squishing almost-hot gel on my abdomen again. No heartbeat. No baby. Just a very full bladder. Another doc came in to look. Nothing. I dressed and waited to be seen in the 3-D ultrasound room.
More waiting. More nervousness. I voiced my concern to DH, who said I was a worrywart. No help there.
We traveled a few hallways down to the big ultrasound room, where I got more almost-hot gel and a very determined tech. She was going to find that baby if she made me pee my pants, darn it.
She almost did, too. But she found that baby, darn it. Just a grain of rice in a sea of black. It was almost as an afterthought that DH asked how far along I am. I'm glad he did; I totally forgot to! I'm exactly 5 weeks and 3 days along, so no worries about the hot tub or ibuprofen I had in Florida. I actually got on prenatal vitamins earlier than most women know they're pregnant (that is, when they're not particularly trying, like me), so I've got a pretty good start for this kid. I'm still a high-risk pregnancy, but I finally feel like I can announce to everyone that I'm knocked up!
Now if only this nausea would go away, I'd be dandy...

I Swear, This Is Not A Mommy Blog

My first true OB appointment is this Friday, but I have to go to the hospital sometime this week to pee in a cup because the sample I gave last week was somehow contaminated. I'm going to get a physical and a Pap smear (yippee skippy) and hopefully schedule an ultrasound. I can't wait for that! I really want to know how far along I really am. I'm so afraid I did something while in Florida that screwed up the kid. DH isn't very helpful with my fears; he call me a worrywart. My mom had two miscarriages out of four. Not very good odds for this kid. Then again, she didn't have morning sickness and I haven't not been nauseous for a week.
DH is still trying to decide whether or not to reenlist. If he does, he'll reclass, and hopefully will enjoy the new job more than this one. I hope he decides soon. It's just yet another thing for me to be on pins and needles about.

Ok, Ok!

Wow, I have a readership! And they even hold me to my word!
Ok, ok, it's been 10 days. The OB says I'm 10 weeks pregnant! It is entirely possible I'm that far along, because I really can't remember if I had a period in late February or not. Things were so hectic then that I just can't remember. I visited DH, got sick for a week, went back home, busted my butt trying to catch up in band and learn the marching sequence, and went on tour. I never missed it.
So now I'm on prenatal vitamins and hoping the ultrasound shows I'm not quite so far along, because during the band tour I took a lot of ibuprofen to keep my knees going. I'm craving, sleeping all day, getting dizzy going up the stairs, and getting backaches, but at least I don't have morning sickness!

Patience

I have news, big news, but I have to sit on it for a while, about 10 days. Be patient, I shall tell all.

Phone Call

That urgent phone call from DH was to ask me to come back to NC earlier than planned. Originally I was going to finish out the semester in band and move after the last performance. Developments that I can't talk about pushed up that timetable, so here I am, and having been here for two weeks, I'm missing all the stuff I had to leave in Georgia for a while. I'm particularly missing my books, quilting supplies, and stationery.
I've been applying for jobs, but no luck yet.

Where To Start?

I guess I'll just catch up from last month. I went to visit DH for Valentine's Day and got incredibly sick for a week, missing band and work. When I was finally well enough to make the 7-hour drive, I went home and slept for 18 hours straight. It was hard trying to catch up in band, since we had to memorize all our music AND the marching sequence in two weeks. We had a great performance at the local high school, minus one major screwup (at least it wasn't mine). We watched videos of every show to make the next one better. Then we went on tour! Every day on our trip was a show day, five shows total. Heading down to Disney World, we stopped in south Georgia twice to perform. The second show was in a gym on those strip tarps they use to protect the floor--problem was, they hadn't put them down correctly and were trip hazards. Nearly everyone got caught on them at least once, myself included. I almost went down, with a sousaphone on my shoulders! We had a blast in Florida, even though I was so tired I was walking dead. I of course got a pair of mouse ears, with a ring in one ear and a patch on the front that said "Pirate Princess". And of course I went on the teacups and Space Mountain.
While I was down there I got a phone call from DH...

Still Alive

I promise I will be back to blogging very soon, and I'll catch you all up on everything that's been going on lately, it'll just take a while to get back up to speed. So much has happened in the past month that I have blogfodder for quite a time. Just so you know, I've moved back in with DH.

More later, I promise.

Back By Popular Demand!

Well, not so much, but LAW reminded me of my responsibility to my minute readership. I've had a flu for the past week, which is why I haven't posted lately. Today I finally feel like I might be getting better, which is a GREAT thing because I'm still in North Carolina visiting the hubby. I got so sick I couldn't drive home. I'll be leaving tomorrow morning to get home in time for band camp all weekend. DH and I are getting along much better now. I think we kind of get each other better. He and I both got into World of Warcraft, so now we play together instead of me trying to entertain myself while he plays video games. It helps. We're even in a guild with other guys from his company.
My mind is wandering to strange places again, so I think I need another dose of medicine and a nap.

Unwritten

Rarely do I put up videos, but this song really spoke to me today. It's "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield.



I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned...

No one else, no one else can speak the words on your lips!

Today is where your book begins--the rest is still unwritten.

Cursed

It seems that a lot of people I know are getting injured in one way or another! My mom just spent another weekend in the hospital with a kidney infection (she's fine now), a friend from college just got word that his father has prostate cancer, my best friend's dad had a stroke Saturday, and now Butterfly Wife has stitches in her thumb! None of these people have anything to do with each other--I'm the common denominator. Is it me?? Am I cursed?
Not to mention I totaled my car last Thursday... I'm ok, just a bruise on my arm from the airbag banging it against the steering wheel. The woman in front of me was stopped, trying to turn left, as I crested the hill. I was going too fast for the rain and hydroplaned right into her.
Turns out she's 7 months pregnant.
She went to the hospital with her fiance ("Don't people do things in order anymore?" my mom commented) to get checked out, but as far as I know they're all fine. The wrecker took one look at my car and pronounced it totaled. I cleaned it out as it sat in front of the body shop yesterday. We're still waiting on the insurance adjuster to come by and say, "Yup, it's totaled."

On another note, I did my civic duty and voted today. I'm not too thrilled about the election, but I put in my two cents, by Jove. At the moment I'm multitasking, what with trying to practice tuba, blog, and work on a book idea I had in high school. I'll email it to you if you want to read it.

Vows

I'm married. At 23, I have made that lifelong decision already. So... I guess I'd better go fulfill that commitment.

Having already made a commitment to the band here, I will keep that one till the end of April, after the last concert. After that, at around the same time as last year, I'll move back to North Carolina. I made my vows. I'll keep them.

Learning To Love

I've been thinking a lot lately. Things I miss, things I don't miss, things I want in life. I pose a question to my few readers: Do you think you can learn to love someone in time?

Wishlist Update

It was pointed out to me that I have very little jewelry. Nothing really goes with anything I have to wear, and I don't have any "daily" type jewelry. So! To rectify that situation, I have spent the last hour on Amazon.com adding jewelry to my wishlist. I can't sleep. Something I ate is not agreeing with me tonight.
Tomorrow I start the South Beach diet. I need to lose this gut.

I'm working with Mom to help me pay off my credit card debt. Hopefully I won't lose too much money to interest.

Didn't Lose It After All

Apparently I didn't lose my job. I just got written up and taken off the schedule for a week. I'm working tomorrow night for another girl who can't cover her shift, so I'll at least get some money this next paycheck. I think I'm ready to go back to work, even though I hate it. I need the money for my credit card.

Wow

Oh.
My.
Lord.

I am not having kids till I have the ability to keep up with them, 24/7. I know that will probably never happen, but at least it's a goal. I just took care of a 5 year old and a 1 1/2 year old for a few hours during a benefit concert at school, and BOY am I worn out. The little one just wanted to be held the whole time, and the midget had unlimited energy and fell in love with the elevator. We went up and down the stairs to eventually go into and out of the elevator at every level. I'm not even sure this post is making any sense right now because I'm so tired.

Today was my first day back in the military band too. I was so nervous at first, because I hadn't picked up a tuba in 2 years. After we started playing, I quickly got back into the groove and remembered fingerings and songs, surprising myself with how good I sounded. SO! Now there's a new label for my blog. Tomorrow is symphonic band. We'll see how that goes. There's some music in the repertoire this semester that I love and have played before, so I'm excited.

Lost It

I lost my job today. Or rather, I'm putting in notice before they can fire me. I've missed two days of work now due to anxiety attacks. Wednesday afternoon I slept right through my shift. Hours before work starts, or even the night before, I get so anxious and stressed about going to work that it's finally come to this. They've been very accommodating so far about my mom and needing to take care of her, but now I've missed work entirely and I feel like I owe it to them to leave so they can find someone without problems to work around.
I feel so useless.

Scary Victory

I have been in the same mood for 24 hours now. I see it as a kind of victory. It's also scary as hell; what will I do with myself if I actually do get "normalized"? What do I do when I'm not a special case anymore? What will I do when I have to fly on my own?

A Better Day

Today is a bit better than the past week. I have something to look forward to tonight and the heat is finally working in the basement. Things are starting to look up, but I'm staying reserved for a while to see how this new medication will work out.

Weaning

I'm now weaning off the old drug and onto the new one (wow, that makes me sound like an addict). The mood swings are still only 12 hours or less in duration, and it's driving me bonkers. I've had those body-wracking sobs that just wear you out and leave you feeling empty and achy. I feel like I'll never get better and this is the end. Then, when that finally subsides, I can't stop thinking about how the "better" feeling is just a swing and will change soon. It won't last.
I've got to get out of this rut.

I'm not going back to school this semester. The only class I need that's still open is at 8 am, and I know I can't make it to class that early, consistently. I feel useless.

I'm moving back down to the basement. Dad decided that I have to keep the cats down here with me now, since I was the one who adopted them. Fair enough; now I can put them on the diet they both desperately need.