Blue Falcon, Hooah

Here's a shirt I will be buying a few of and mailing them to certain "favorite" people I know:

http://www.rangerup.com/mysteryshirt.html

If you don't understand, here's a story from my college days that may help out.
There was this one guy in my company, Headquarters (HQ) but not my specialty unit thank goodness... wait, let me explain how HQ was set up in my ROTC program. It consisted of the (cadet) staff NCOs and officers, like the real Army, but also was home to the specialty units: the military band, the precision drill team, the Color Guard, and the Ranger Challenge team. This arse of a cadet was one of the staff NCOs, a great asskisser but not good enough at PT to get an NCO position in a line company.
Well, he totally screwed another guy nearly out of the Corps of Cadets (another story for another day) and was promptly labeled a "Blue Falcon". They're also known as "Bravo Foxtrots", as the initials of the real title are BF (and it sure don't stand for Best Friend). Now, one of the usual things to do to people you don't like, or even people you do like but want to mess with, is pennying their barracks door. These doors were thick, heavy wood in thick, heavy metal doorframes, so it was easy to stuff pennies between the jamb and the door, above and below the doorknob. This put so much pressure on the latch that the knob couldn't be turned, neither from the inside nor the hall. If done well, the pennies would be so jammed themselves that Public Safety couldn't even get them out with a crowbar.
This door was pennied very well. It is rumored that nearly two dollars went into that door.
This kind of thing is done very quietly during the night, so the occupants are stuck in there during morning PT, holding their pee and waiting for Public Safety to come crowbar them out. You might feel sorry for the Blue Falcon's roommate, but he was skinny enough to go out the window. Our Blue Falcon was not, and was holding his pee waiting for Public Safety to save him. Eventually, Maintenance was called in to remove the door from its hinges. This was done, and our Blue Falcon finally made it to his last class of the day. The door was replaced and HQ went about their business.
The next night, while the penniers slept, the artists came out to play. By morning the door sported a bird carved 1/4th of an inch into the dense wood and painted bright blue. It was a work of art, and obviously a lot of time went into it. Also obvious was the fact that the door couldn't be repaired; the carving was too deep to try to sand it away, so a new door was ordered from Maintenance. It took a few days to get it, so our favorite shat-upon was poignantly reminded of his misdeeds every time he entered and exited his room. The new door arrived, was installed, and the old one carted off.
Not quite the end of the story. Some smart cadets noticed where the old door was taken, and the first night our Blue Falcon had a new door to enjoy, the carved door was recovered from the dumpster behind Plant Ops. He hadn't quite suffered enough. That heavy old door made its way back up to the third floor and leaned against the new door, propped up by several well-placed rubber doorstops. They ensured that in the morning, when the door was opened from the inside, the old door would fall right into the room, yet another reminder of how much of an asshat the guy was. He ended up limping all day from bruised toes.
We hadn't finished with him yet, though. Again, the old door was taken away, but Maintenance hadn't learned their lesson, or perhaps they enjoyed the show. The door was again found in the same dumpster that night. The barracks had a ledge under the windows, about a foot and a half wide. Skinny cadets would shimmy out the windows and wash the outside for inspection, or sneak in and out of their rooms after taps, or other devious things cadets think of when they're stuck on campus for six weeks in a row. Somehow that door was lifted to the third floor window ledge and propped against the outside of the guy's window. This time, Maintenance was "too busy" to get it down for a few days; the cherry picker was otherwise occupied.
Everyone thought that was finally the end of the Blue Falcon's door. Months later, however, during HQ's company awards ceremony, our favorite cadet was presented with a new award: the Order of the Blue Falcon. Someone had gone dumpster-diving again and retrieved the carved door. The painted bird had been professionally carved out of the middle of the door and shaped to look like a sliver of a tree trunk, then glazed. Bark had even been glued to the edges for a nice touch. The company commander had a glowing little speech, making it sound like an actual award, and handed the carving over with a big smile and a handshake.
I know the guy will never forget that.